Pulling Status: How to be Top Dog When You Feel Like the Runt of the Litter

Or, happy Bridgerton Season 3 day to all who celebrate

I have a new crush. It started with an appreciation of her geeky, perfectionist in Derry Girls, was groomed by her snarky appearance as Penelope Featherington in Bridgerton and has been cemented by her appearance across numerous magazine covers over the past month. I am officially obsessed with Nicola Coughlan and my only sadness is that she wasn’t oozing glamour in every newspaper when I was growing up.

Today marks the launch of Bridgerton season three. If you haven’t been watching it, Nicola plays a character who is overlooked and laughed at by society, while secretly writing the gossip column they all love to hate. For the first two seasons she has been the ugly duckling, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and desperately seeking the approval of the men around her - approval which her spherical form and bookishness is never given. (Yes, I’m very aware that I over-identify with Penelope, thank you). But season three, we’ve been promised, is where Penelope comes into her own and finally gets the recognition she deserves.

Bridgerton is based on a series of books and in the books, Penelope’s glow-up is based on a two stone weight-loss. Thankfully, Shonda Rhimes is in charge of the TV series and so rather than a diet, Penelope’s transformation is brought about by something else - a belief in her own worth. We are promised that over the course of the series, we’ll see a woman step into her own power and greatness. Which mimics something I’ve been learning about this week…

As I wrote about a few weeks ago, I’ve added “five minute stand-up set” to my to-do list for 2024, and as part of that I go to a comedy writing class on a Monday night. This week, we were introduced to a concept that has helped stand-ups through the ages control a difficult crowd. “Pulling status” is the trick of reminding your audience who is really in charge here, it’s about tapping into your Penelope Featherington (post glow-up) and bringing the focus to you. And it turns out it’s easier than you think.

If you’re someone who is impacted by nerves when you have to give a presentation or has ever found a meeting veering madly off track because a few extreme extroverts seem to have taken over (or if you’ve ever been asked to give a talk at a school - the scariest of all speaking environments in my opinion), then these tips might be helpful for you. At the very least, they come in incredibly handy when someone tries to steal the taxi you’ve been waiting on for fifteen minutes in the pouring rain. So if you ever need to remind someone of your power, here are the rules:

1. Take up space. It sounds obvious to say “straighten your shoulders” or “lift your head up” but they all work, mainly because human beings are simple souls and when one of us takes up a bit more space than we were before, the rest automatically assume it’s because we have a right to do so. You can also simply move, take a step forward or back, lean into your computer screen or lean back if you’re online. Choose to put yourself into the conversation or take yourself out of it, it doesn’t matter which, but getting your body out of freeze mode signals to it and those around you that you haven’t been scared into submission.

2. Lean into your biggest fears. I don’t think there is anyone out there that hasn’t been teased at some point in their life. For most of us it came in the playground and while we might know it’s unjustified or childish now, it still has the ability to scar. In stand-up, the lesson is “lean into the fear”. What is the worst thing someone could say to you? Write down 100 comebacks to that and then pick the two you like the most. Almost inevitably one of these will be along the “yes, and?” lines, because there is nothing more powerful than owning the thing we’re most afraid of. And the other one will hopefully be a stinging put-down that you will get to put into effect against your worst enemy shortly. Because being petty isn’t powerful, but it is fun.

3. Don’t follow their lead. If someone is being deliberately obtuse or trying to derail a conversation, it is is easy to fall into the trap of following their lead. We get into a debate or feel like we have to address their issue before we can move on, we give them the power to direct the conversation. “Pulling status”, however, allows you to simply decide that their train of thought holds no interest to you, so you don’t have to follow it. You can dismiss it with “I don’t think that’s for right now” or a simple, “if you say so” before changing the topic.

4. Act the part. In her brilliant book, People Hacker, professional burglar Jenny Radcliffe explains how she broke through the highest security simply by pretending she was supposed to be there. She’d don a high-vis jacket and a clipboard, and breeze past security guards who took the bright yellow as a sign of her right to be there. She ambled around supposedly secure offices without anyone questioning her presence by just smiling and saying “hi” to a few people as she went. She acted as though she had a right to be there and people assumed she did. Or, to bring it back to Bridgerton, Penelope dresses herself in the styles and colours of a woman who believes she deserves to be seen, and she is. Fake it till you (and everyone around you) feels it.

5. Remember, status is about safety. The idea of “pulling status”, of putting yourself above others, can feel uncomfortable. It can bring up all sorts of stories about getting above our station or being “too much”. If that happens for you, remember that humans created hierarchy for a reason - it makes us a feel safe. Most of us want to feel like there is someone in control. This doesn’t mean that we want to be dictated to or belittled, but we do appreciate it when someone takes charge. So next time you’re doing a presentation, remember that you taking charge of the room is actually an act of kindness. Your confidence in yourself, allows others to feel safe. It’s a gift for them, as well as for others.

And if none of this inspires you to finally take up the space you deserve, then I leave you with these words from Nicola Coughlan:

“Yes, I’m terrified of the scrutiny, the opinions, the number of eyes on me; but, ultimately, the thing that’s making me step out of the shadows, even though it terrifies me, is that I’m so proud of the work I’ve done, the people I’ve worked with and these beautiful shows we’ve made. I hope I can show the world, along with myself, that sometimes the oddball in the corner can take centre-stage.”

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