You Can’t Do it Alone…
… was a phrase my teachers loved to repeat at me. As did my parents. As have many managers, coworkers and other well-meaning types throughout my life.
Who am I? I’m Harriet Minter, a journalist, author and broadcaster from the UK. As well as being all those very smart sounding things I am also a dog-mother, a Type 1 diabetic and a recovering hyper-independent. What is a hyper-independent? Let me show you:
A few months ago I found myself in the middle of a stone circle (like Stonehenge but a bit less circular) wondering if I was about to die. My diabetes means that at any point my blood sugars can crash dangerously low and I’ll go unconscious, not great at the best of times but particularly not when you’re in the middle of nowhere, with no-one else around it’s dangerous. I didn’t have any food on me which would have brought them back up so I just had to sit down in the middle of this ancient site and hope for the best. Like an idiot.
Except that I didn’t just have to do that. I could have walked to the middle of the nearby road and flagged down a car. I had full signal on my phone and could have called a friend and asked them what to do. I live in a country with an incredible healthcare system so I could have called for an ambulance and had them come and rescue me. But I “didn’t want to make a fuss” and was sure “I’ll be fine in a minute”. Most of all I thought “I can handle this”, even though I very clearly couldn’t because I was sat on my ass nearly dying while my dog hunted for rabbits.
And that is hyper-independence. The point at which our desire to be self-sufficient and to take care of ourselves tips over into madness. And if that story sounds like a the sort of predicament you might find yourself in, then you’re probably a hyper-independent too.
Putting Down the Responsibility
I don’t know about you but I have always been overly independent and taken on too much. So this newsletter is a quest to get to the bottom of that behaviour, look at why we’re culturally so in thrall to the idea of personal responsibility and start to ask how we can recover from that. Along the way I’ll be looking at subjects such as work, relationships, money, burnout, social media and society at large.
If you’ve ever said any of the following then you are my people:
“It’s fine, I’ve got this” (when you don’t have it)
“Don’t worry, I can manage” (often deployed when hauling a suitcase containing a couple of elephants up a flight of stairs)
“It’s quicker to do it myself” (which it is. Except: you hate doing it / you are exhausted after / it wasn’t your responsibility in the first place)
“I'm a strong, independent woman so I don’t need anyone else” (I hate to burst your bubble but Beyonce has a lot of help in those 24 hours. Like, a LOT)
“Why am I the one who always has to make the decisions?” (Because nobody else can be trusted to make the right decision, obviously)
Want to come along for the ride?
Become a free subscriber and get a weekly email looking at our relationship with independence, responsibility and the world around us.
Become a paying subscriber (about the same price as buying me a coffee once a month) and you’ll get:
Up to 500 subscribers:
Monthly “ask me anything / the best advice I’ve received” posts. Each month I’ll offer you the opportunity to ask me for help on anything and I’ll do my best to give it. If there are no requests that month I’ll write a post purely for paid subscribers summing up one thing I think could help all of us at that time. Consider it a monthly delivery from a wise old owl.
Access to an end of year letting go ceremony and a beginning of year calling in ceremony. Both of these will be run via Zoom and will be for paid subscribers or coaching clients only.
500 - 1000 subscribers, as above plus:
A monthly “live chat” with me where I’ll answer any questions and offer help and advice where I can (I’m actually a trained coach, so I think I can claim this to be excellent value for money)
A monthly audio prompt to help you put down some of your responsibilities and pick up some help from others
Over 1000 subscribers, as above plus:
Monthly Zoom coaching calls, themed over the course of a year to help you set yourself free from responsibility and start finding deeper connection with others
Become a founding member and you’ll get everything listed above plus a 1-2-1 coaching session with me to be taken any time within the next year.
